My Skin
by carrie.grace.lawrence
Summary: Bella comes home from school one day and a song called My Skin comes on the radio. SHe is taken back to all the times she had with Edward and how the song relates to her. Place: New Moon. Type: Once Shot Song Inspired: My Skin By Natalie Merchant. RxR


This One Shot was inspired by the song, My Skin by Natalie Merchant. I dont own anything Twilight. Pity... Enjoy.

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I sat there in my truck. Dazed. The radio played a soft, somewhat depressing song. I sat there as Edward was fresh in my mind. Tears rolled down my cheeks. It was one of those days where I couldn't find myself getting out of my truck. Some days it took me an hour or two to get out. If I got out I would lose my thought of Edward. I would have to concentrate on something else besides Edward.

_Take a look at my body  
Look at my hands  
There's so much here  
That I don't understand_

My body was still bruised from when Jasper attacked me. My arms and hands were bandaged up. The spot where James bit me was covered again as Carlisle found a piece of glass had found its way in my flesh. What I don't understand is why Edward left. He told me he loved the night before he left. He kissed me goodnight, but did it count if I asked for it as my birthday wish? He couldn't just leave me and get over me that fast. Could he? Was I that unappealing?

_Your face saving promises  
Whispered like prayers  
I don't need them  
I don't need them_

His face showed me he loved me, showed me he cared. He whispered to me at night he'd be there forever. It was as if I was his Goddess and he prayed to me and told me he wouldn't ever leave me. I don't need that anymore. I don't need the lies he's told me. I don't need Edward… who am I kidding, I am a mess without him.

_I've been treated so wrong  
I've been treated so long  
As if I'm becoming untouchable_

Jacob just isn't enough to help me. They way he treats me, like I can't be touched, if I'm touch, I die. But I'm not like that. He treats me as if I'm 4 with a broken heart. It's so wrong and disgusting. Though I don't have to worry about it now. He doesn't talk to me anymore. I hope I will manage without him. He joined Sam Uley's pack and now he is too good for me.

_Contempt loves the silence  
it thrives in the dark  
with fine winding tendrils  
that strangle the heart_

When I am alone I see Edward burning in a fire and becoming ashes. When its dark those images are so powerful it's as if he is actually in front of me burning. I hate him for leaving me, that's why these images stay with me. But when they disappear, the regret of picturing him takes my heart by the middle and squeezes the tears out of me. I cry of the regret and eventually fall asleep and soon enough the images of Edward dying and never coming back again scares me and nightmares become vivid. It causes me to scream it causes Charlie to have to wake up and wake me up. And then the images come back again and this time every single one of the Cullens is burned. The regret kills me. All I need is for them to come back.

_I'm a slow dying flower  
Frost killing hour  
the sweet turning sour  
and untouchable_

Renee has always told me I bloomed early. She is so free spirited she compared me to a flower, but now that flower is dying. I am dying because of the depression. The depression is the frost that kills the flowers late fall, early winter. People have told me I was the sweetest person they know, but I don't feel that way anymore, with the images my wild imagination comes up with; I feel I am more sour than sweet. I am a fragile sour person.

_I need  
a lullaby  
a kiss goodnight  
Angel sweet  
Love of my life  
O, I need this_

I need my lullaby hummed for me; I need a kiss goodnight from Edward as if I was 3 and scared of the dark. In order for this to stop, I need him back, I need him back now. I need my soul mate; I need the love of my life.

_Do you remember the way  
that you touched me before  
All the trembling sweetness  
I loved and adored?_

I wonder if Edward remembers the way he touched me, the way I was so careful not to push him too far. The way Edward was, the sweetness, I loved, I adored the way he greeted me in the morning, they way he wouldn't let me drive to school, he had to take me. The way he did my quick errands. Like dropping off my pictures at the developer, although I regret it now. He took all of my memories of him and his family, the birthday presents, the pictures.

_You better shut your mouth  
Hold your breath  
Kiss me now you'll catch my death  
O, I mean it_

I stared at the bottle of pills that were made to take away the pain. I was supposed to over dose when I got to this point. He wasn't here to kiss away the pain to catch me before I died, no one can hold me down. But if I waited a little longer maybe he will come back. I set the pills in the glove compartment and sat back in my seta and leaned my head against the cold glass. The rain pitter pattered on the roof of my truck. I burned them all in my head again. And when the regret was supposed to show up in my heart, the punishment showed up somewhere else. Outside my truck was Victoria. I was gone; everything was black, dead, gone. I was dead. She did my dirty work for me.


End file.
